Note that I am re-purposing this blog for religion based blogging. You may get a jar if you keep reading after this post. You've been warned!
You can send comments or questions to perrylassiter@yahoo.com.
FAITH
IN THE DARK
Life is difficult.
But as soon as we accept that difficulty, life is no longer as difficult.
We keep expecting to turn a corner and find peace, but it's more like we fled from a lion only to meet a bear. For those who are into sports, there's always another game and another season. For most wives there's always another meal to cook, clothes to wash, and beds to make. Life throws up one problem or difficulty after another. We all know “This wasn't supposed to happen to ME” feeling. Sorry friend, but yeah – something of the sort happens to everybody. And when you accept that only occasionally do you get to call time out and float in peace on a calm lake, life gets better.
I have just quoted, paraphrased, and amplified the first two pagers of The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck. It's an older book, but I strongly recommend it, especially the first two pages that are worth the price of the book. (You may even be able to read those pages free on Amazon by clicking on the book picture and arrow that says “Look Inside.”)
Shelli asked me to deal with ways to fight life, darkness, doubt and somehow hang onto your faith. You know there are volumes written on that right? But fools rush in and so do I. Here's a summary of where I think I'm headed:
1 – Recognize you will always find trouble in life. Everyone does.
2 – It's okay to get upset and want to rebel. Bible heroes did.
3 – Remember what He has carried you through thus far.
4 – Find a safe person who will keep their mouth shut and talk about it .
5 – Take a look at some of the resources I will suggest.
It's OK to argue with God.
Yes, I know you have been taught otherwise. But the great saints of the faith are recorded arguing with the Lord to the point of sarcasm.
Moses – In Exodus 3 God comes to the shepherd in a burning bush, sounding excited about liberating his people. Moses throws up excuse after excuse which the Lord keeps swatting down. Finally Moses sarcastically points out that he was a stutterer and that hasn't changed since God started speaking to him fifteen minutes ago. God did start to sound peeved, but He didn't throw Moses away. He continued to work with him and created a great leader and deliverer.
Elijah – After that great prophet called down fire from heaven and executed all the prophets of Baal, he announced the coming of rain. But Queen Jezebel owned those prophets and sent Elijah a telegram to get out of town by sundown or his head would roll. This formerly bold prophet broke and ran for his life, not stopping until he fell exhausted. When God caught up with him and asked what he was doing there, he POUTED! “Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going to go eat worms.” Well, not really, but it might as well have been. “I've been faithful to you and done all you called me to do, now I'm the only one left, and they're trying to kill me.” Note that God did not chide him or discard him. He gave him food and let him rest. Then He gave Elijah a fresh experience of Himself and a fresh vision of his calling.
Job – If you've read the book, you recognize that the “patience of Job” is not true. It's a New Testament translation in the KJV that would be better expressed by the word “endurance.” He did endure and persevere, but he wasn't patient about it. He screamed at God repeatedly. Why did this happen to me? Show me my sin if I'm being punished for something. Kill me, and get me out of this misery. Vindicate me to my accusers and show them I'm innocent. The reader knows this was a test, but Job and his accusers never did. Indeed, the book was probably written to show that bad things do happen to good people. One explanation – the test – disproves the whole system that bad fortune was always payment for sin. But Job yells at God, begs Him, and doesn't let go until the Lord reveals Himself.
Note: All three of these guys argued with God and did not like their situation at all. Therefore we can argue with that same God and pour out before Him our complaints at what life is bringing us. No fear He will reject us. Rather dumping that emotion can free our minds to hear His direction.
Turning to a more positive direction, let's take a look at Paul in 2 Corinthians 11:
23 Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. 24 Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26 I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. 27 I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. 28 Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches.
When
I read this, I wonder why I am griping. But often we do hurt, so what
do we do about it? remember Paul has also been through almost
unendurable circumstances. Let's look at some of how he handled it in
Philippians 4:
Note
Paul says “I have learned...” He learned. He learned from
experience over time, not given it along with his salvation and
mission. How did he learn? Look back at 2 Corinthians 11. I wonder
how many times Paul doubted and wondered whether he was in the right
place. Did you see the sleepless nights and sometimes lack of food?
From where he stood years later (probably under house arrest in Rome,
or maybe in Ephesus). He now looks back and sees that God brought him
through, so Paul can now say he is ready for anything in Christ.
We
like to quote “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens
me.” We quote it as a positive in tackling a task. It was written
more for your situation as you hurt. It is as if Paul said, “I have
learned the hard way that I can get through anything as long as I
hang onto Christ.”
Paul
fought his way through all this triumphantly, as have thousands of
others. And so can you. If thousands of others have fought through
trial and come out in triumph, so can you. It may take awhile, and
you may feel as if you got through by the skin of your teeth, but you
will get through.
Remember
what you have already come through.
What
have you already come through? You are close to an impossibility in
your conception and birth. There is no one else like you. You are a
miracle. You made it into this world at birth, and have come through
multiple sicknesses, allergies, falls, and perhaps surgeries. You got
through schools, got married, had kids. You have lost family and
friends along the way. And you're still going. How many times along
the way has God helped you and carried you through?
Remembering
all of that as Paul did can call forth your faith. God has been with
you all your life. Why would He stop now?
Share
you experiences with someone.
I
love the following that I have seen ascribed to several different
people.
O
the comfort, the inexpressible comfort
of
feeling safe with a person,
having
neither to weigh thoughts, nor measure words,
but
pouring them all out
wheat
and chaff together,
certain
that a faithful hand will sift them,
keep
what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness
blow
the rest away.
This
means choosing the right person, sometimes a trained professional
counselor. Many times it means talking to a close friend who can keep
their mouth shut. Someone you feel safe with – and are safe.
Talking it out can break up the viciously spiraling thoughts spinning
through your head. Instead of whirling around in one continuous
circle, over time your emotions begin to back down and your thoughts
open out to new ways of dealing with life. The feeling of acceptance
and companionship can lessen the pain and replace it with love.
Theological
questions
Shelli
wrote me the following that kicked all this off:
Not
long ago in our Sunday School class we discuss these following quotes
from our lesson: "found it easier to believe their doubts and
fears" and "held captive by the things we expect to happen
to the point that we close our minds to any contrary evidence".
I left wanting to hear more about these thoughts.
In
response to a question she spoke of a relative's divorce and
someone's friend who had cancer in her close family. Beneath this I
hear them asking where is God in all this. How can I continue to
trust Him with all this chaos breaking into my world?
Dorothy
Sayers wrote a remarkable book called Creed or Chaos. In it
she points out that if God is indeed guilty of allowing our troubles,
“he at least had the courage to take his own medicine.” She meant
He allowed His Son Jesus to die on the cross. Even before that, Jesus
lived a complete human life in a third world country occupied by
foreigners. Almost certainly his father Joseph died, and it's likely
he lost other siblings in the typical family until the day of modern
medicine of the last hundred years.
Many
turn to this verse, Romans 8:28 for assurance.
And
we know that in all things God works for the good of those who
love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Footnotes:
- Romans
8:28
Or
that all things work
together for good to those who love God, who;
or that in all things
God works together with those who love him to bring about what is
good—with those who
I
include the note, because the Greek is ambiguous, and the last choice
is my preferred choice. Paul is not saying that everything that
happens is good. Obviously that's not true. It's obviously not true
that everything always turns out for the best. For example, the world
would be much better had the Holocaust never happened, had Hitler and
Stalin and Saddam Hussein never risen to power. But Paul does say
that nothing so bad can happen that God cannot re-shape it by His
creative power for Good to emerge triumphant - good as defined by
God. The supreme example is the Cross. By Christian theology no sin
can be greater than the Crucifixion. Killing the Son of God.
Essentially, saying God, get out of my life. I don't want you messing
with me. I'd rather kill you than obey you - or even let you love and
forgive me.
But
God took that sin and transformed it through the resurrection into
the greatest act in history – the salvation of the entire world! If
God can do that, He can deal with my life and yours. He can take
those tragedies, and over time transform them into many good things.
NOW
SOME PRACTICAL ADVICE
Give
it time. Time helps in healing.
Socialize
your pain by talking with someone with whom you share mutual love and
trust.
Talk
to God about it. Read the above and recognize you don't have to play
nice with Him. He's big enough to take it without striking you down.
>Make
sure your pain doesn't mess up other people in your daily life. You
must take care of your children and your spouse – or find someone
else to do it while you take a break.
Exercise
helps a lot of people, especially walking or jogging.
Get
adequate sleep – maybe an extra hour.
NEWS
FLASH
Read
a column by a young nun based in Philadelphia, Colleen Gibson. She is
writing about her experiences during Holy Week and along the way
makes these observations that seem to me to fit in here:
“Faith
is what we carry with us through the darkness; it burns brightly when
we cannot see.”
She
shares a special problem of hers this Holy Week: the desire to repeat
the comfortable experience God gave her in prior years. Catholic or
whatever, don't we all sometimes seek that and are disappointed when
it does not come? Especially in darkness we wonder whether the light
will ever shine for us again. Listen again to Sister Colleen:
“Nothing
was as I expected or desired. I wanted what I already had and I
realized, as the days rolled on, that was exactly what I wasn't going
to get. This [Easter] would be different.
Then
she quotes Raymond Carver “written as he teetered on the edge of
death:
And did you get whatyou wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved,
to feel myself
beloved in the earth.”
“God seemed to be inviting me beyond the constraints of my own knowing, beyond the bounds of the four walls of the church. All I needed to do was be free enough to receive the grace being given – to relinquish control and let God, in God's time, lead me through the mystery of these days.”
Can
you see how this transfers to those times we walk in darkness and
wonder how and why we can still believe? God can use those experience
– awful as they are and not changing their awfulness – when
tragedy and sorrow thrust us outside the box that has become out
comfort zone. He can orient us out of our disorientation, and bring
creation from our chaos.
Sister
Gibson even puts in an a specific reference to the resurrection,
which relates directly to the lesson and quotes that called forth
Shelli's questions.
“I
wonder how the disciples processed all that was going on. … that
first morning when they arrived at the tomb, what did they believe?
That the body had been taken or that Jesus had risen? What they faced
was the unknown, the unbelievable transformed by belief.
That
transformation is made by grace, one small movement at a time.”
AND
A FACEBOOK FRIEND, WHOSE FAMILY I USED TO PASTOR made a comment about
a loss in her community. I wrote he and sent her a copy of about half
of this in first draft stage. Here is her reply:
 We were just acquaintances with his mom and dad....they'd invited us to their church several times...we knew they went to a large church, and wasn't really interested in being part of a large church at the time. Colin was their youth music minister...he was headed to college to become a music minister as his vocation. The summer after graduation, he went away with 5 of his closest friends. It was a "guy" senior trip. They went to the lake...there was a small island across the lake and all of the boys decided to make the swim...of course the island seemed closer than what it actually was to them. They all made it to the island fine, but they had to swim back to shore. After a long rest, they set out....only this time, the waves were coming against them and there was a great deal of wind. Two of the boys started to fall behind - they were getting sick while they were swimming because they were taking on water. Colin noticed. He told the guys he was swimming with that he was going to go back and check on the other two. He swam back to them, checked on them, and told them to swim ahead that he'd be following. They made it to an unexpected sandbar, turned around and Colin was gone. His picture has been my cover photo for a long time now. When we learned what happened, I was so broken for this mom and dad and I repeatedly asked God, "WHY???" in my prayers...I couldn't pray without asking...and it didn't seem that He was giving me the answer. I know God doesn't "cause" bad things to happen to those He loves, but He does allow them and the word promises that all things work together for the good of those who love Jesus. (Roman 8:28) (I know you know the verse, I just can't type it without the reference...seems wrong.) Dean and I decided to go to his mom and dad's church - just to offer support during that time. When we got there, we were shocked to see they had a HUGE group of friends well established in that church and they had a LOT of support. We were so amazed by the support the congregation showed them that we simply never left. It's been 2 years and 10 months since that time, and we're still there. Many months after we joined the church, God answered my prayer...my question, "why?" His answer to me was simply, "You...you were part of the reason, along with all of the hundreds maybe even thousands of people who'd seen how Colin lived, heard of his death, watched his parents remain faithful through it all, and came to know Christ because of it all." I know there's more...there's probably a lot more that God being God has done with that situation, that me being human, created to worship Him, doesn't understand and never will quite understand in this lifetime. The end all lesson that I've come to know is to place my faith in Roman 8:28 and let Him be God and me be me. After Colin's passing, I've seen God bless his family over and over and over again...with support, with love, with peace...they've been a real testimony of faith to our community. As the mom's now best friend, I've also see the daily struggle and heartbreak...I've watched as she's screamed at God in anger, and as she's been broken from the anger and literally been covered in His peace right before my eyes. |
Check
the references below, or Google “grief.”
REFERENCES:
Scott
Peck – The Road Less Traveled – First two pages, especially. An
excellent book with an emphasis on personal discipline. A great life
guidepost.
Granger
Westberg – Good Grief – a basic work, reprinted in 2010 on its
50th
anniversary. It's that good.
Elisabeth
Kubler-Ross – On Grief and Grieving – Her first book, On Death
and Dying became a classic.
You
may know others.
My
blog on Counseling for Laity is intended for those lay folk that
people talk to, but you may find help in the chapter on Grief. You
will need to scroll down til you find it. I have begun work on
changing it to an ebook, but until then:
FAITH
IS OF NO VALUE WHEN YOU FEEL SECURE.
Put
your hand in the hand of the Man from Galilee.
Faith
may appear as a flashlight, showing you where to take the next step.
FAITH
IN THE DARK
Life is difficult.
But as soon as we accept that difficulty, life is no longer as difficult.
We keep expecting to turn a corner and find peace, but it's more like we fled from a lion only to meet a bear. For those who are into sports, there's always another game and another season. For most wives there's always another meal to cook, clothes to wash, and beds to make. Life throws up one problem or difficulty after another. We all know “This wasn't supposed to happen to ME” feeling. Sorry friend, but yeah – something of the sort happens to everybody. And when you accept that only occasionally do you get to call time out and float in peace on a calm lake, life gets better.
I have just quoted, paraphrased, and amplified the first two pagers of The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck. It's an older book, but I strongly recommend it, especially the first two pages that are worth the price of the book. (You may even be able to read those pages free on Amazon by clicking on the book picture and arrow that says “Look Inside.”)
Shelli asked me to deal with ways to fight life, darkness, doubt and somehow hang onto your faith. You know there are volumes written on that right? But fools rush in and so do I. Here's a summary of where I think I'm headed:
1 – Recognize you will always find trouble in life. Everyone does.
2 – It's okay to get upset and want to rebel. Bible heroes did.
3 – Remember what He has carried you through thus far.
4 – Find a safe person who will keep their mouth shut and talk about it .
5 – Take a look at some of the resources I will suggest.
It's OK to argue with God.
Yes, I know you have been taught otherwise. But the great saints of the faith are recorded arguing with the Lord to the point of sarcasm.
Moses – In Exodus 3 God comes to the shepherd in a burning bush, sounding excited about liberating his people. Moses throws up excuse after excuse which the Lord keeps swatting down. Finally Moses sarcastically points out that he was a stutterer and that hasn't changed since God started speaking to him fifteen minutes ago. God did start to sound peeved, but He didn't throw Moses away. He continued to work with him and created a great leader and deliverer.
Elijah – After that great prophet called down fire from heaven and executed all the prophets of Baal, he announced the coming of rain. But Queen Jezebel owned those prophets and sent Elijah a telegram to get out of town by sundown or his head would roll. This formerly bold prophet broke and ran for his life, not stopping until he fell exhausted. When God caught up with him and asked what he was doing there, he POUTED! “Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going to go eat worms.” Well, not really, but it might as well have been. “I've been faithful to you and done all you called me to do, now I'm the only one left, and they're trying to kill me.” Note that God did not chide him or discard him. He gave him food and let him rest. Then He gave Elijah a fresh experience of Himself and a fresh vision of his calling.
Job – If you've read the book, you recognize that the “patience of Job” is not true. It's a New Testament translation in the KJV that would be better expressed by the word “endurance.” He did endure and persevere, but he wasn't patient about it. He screamed at God repeatedly. Why did this happen to me? Show me my sin if I'm being punished for something. Kill me, and get me out of this misery. Vindicate me to my accusers and show them I'm innocent. The reader knows this was a test, but Job and his accusers never did. Indeed, the book was probably written to show that bad things do happen to good people. One explanation – the test – disproves the whole system that bad fortune was always payment for sin. But Job yells at God, begs Him, and doesn't let go until the Lord reveals Himself.
Note: All three of these guys argued with God and did not like their situation at all. Therefore we can argue with that same God and pour out before Him our complaints at what life is bringing us. No fear He will reject us. Rather dumping that emotion can free our minds to hear His direction.
Turning to a more positive direction, let's take a look at Paul in 2 Corinthians 11:
23 Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. 24 Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26 I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. 27 I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. 28 Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches.
When
I read this, I wonder why I am griping. But often we do hurt, so what
do we do about it? remember Paul has also been through almost
unendurable circumstances. Let's look at some of how he handled it in
Philippians 4:
Note
Paul says “I have learned...” He learned. He learned from
experience over time, not given it along with his salvation and
mission. How did he learn? Look back at 2 Corinthians 11. I wonder
how many times Paul doubted and wondered whether he was in the right
place. Did you see the sleepless nights and sometimes lack of food?
From where he stood years later (probably under house arrest in Rome,
or maybe in Ephesus). He now looks back and sees that God brought him
through, so Paul can now say he is ready for anything in Christ.
We
like to quote “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens
me.” We quote it as a positive in tackling a task. It was written
more for your situation as you hurt. It is as if Paul said, “I have
learned the hard way that I can get through anything as long as I
hang onto Christ.”
Paul
fought his way through all this triumphantly, as have thousands of
others. And so can you. If thousands of others have fought through
trial and come out in triumph, so can you. It may take awhile, and
you may feel as if you got through by the skin of your teeth, but you
will get through.
Remember
what you have already come through.
What
have you already come through? You are close to an impossibility in
your conception and birth. There is no one else like you. You are a
miracle. You made it into this world at birth, and have come through
multiple sicknesses, allergies, falls, and perhaps surgeries. You got
through schools, got married, had kids. You have lost family and
friends along the way. And you're still going. How many times along
the way has God helped you and carried you through?
Remembering
all of that as Paul did can call forth your faith. God has been with
you all your life. Why would He stop now?
Share
you experiences with someone.
I
love the following that I have seen ascribed to several different
people.
O
the comfort, the inexpressible comfort
of
feeling safe with a person,
having
neither to weigh thoughts, nor measure words,
but
pouring them all out
wheat
and chaff together,
certain
that a faithful hand will sift them,
keep
what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness
blow
the rest away.
This
means choosing the right person, sometimes a trained professional
counselor. Many times it means talking to a close friend who can keep
their mouth shut. Someone you feel safe with – and are safe.
Talking it out can break up the viciously spiraling thoughts spinning
through your head. Instead of whirling around in one continuous
circle, over time your emotions begin to back down and your thoughts
open out to new ways of dealing with life. The feeling of acceptance
and companionship can lessen the pain and replace it with love.
Theological
questions
Shelli
wrote me the following that kicked all this off:
Not
long ago in our Sunday School class we discuss these following quotes
from our lesson: "found it easier to believe their doubts and
fears" and "held captive by the things we expect to happen
to the point that we close our minds to any contrary evidence".
I left wanting to hear more about these thoughts.
In
response to a question she spoke of a relative's divorce and
someone's friend who had cancer in her close family. Beneath this I
hear them asking where is God in all this. How can I continue to
trust Him with all this chaos breaking into my world?
Dorothy
Sayers wrote a remarkable book called Creed or Chaos. In it
she points out that if God is indeed guilty of allowing our troubles,
“he at least had the courage to take his own medicine.” She meant
He allowed His Son Jesus to die on the cross. Even before that, Jesus
lived a complete human life in a third world country occupied by
foreigners. Almost certainly his father Joseph died, and it's likely
he lost other siblings in the typical family until the day of modern
medicine of the last hundred years.
Many
turn to this verse, Romans 8:28 for assurance.
And
we know that in all things God works for the good of those who
love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Footnotes:
- Romans
8:28
Or
that all things work
together for good to those who love God, who;
or that in all things
God works together with those who love him to bring about what is
good—with those who
I
include the note, because the Greek is ambiguous, and the last choice
is my preferred choice. Paul is not saying that everything that
happens is good. Obviously that's not true. It's obviously not true
that everything always turns out for the best. For example, the world
would be much better had the Holocaust never happened, had Hitler and
Stalin and Saddam Hussein never risen to power. But Paul does say
that nothing so bad can happen that God cannot re-shape it by His
creative power for Good to emerge triumphant - good as defined by
God. The supreme example is the Cross. By Christian theology no sin
can be greater than the Crucifixion. Killing the Son of God.
Essentially, saying God, get out of my life. I don't want you messing
with me. I'd rather kill you than obey you - or even let you love and
forgive me.
But
God took that sin and transformed it through the resurrection into
the greatest act in history – the salvation of the entire world! If
God can do that, He can deal with my life and yours. He can take
those tragedies, and over time transform them into many good things.
NOW
SOME PRACTICAL ADVICE
Give
it time. Time helps in healing.
Socialize
your pain by talking with someone with whom you share mutual love and
trust.
Talk
to God about it. Read the above and recognize you don't have to play
nice with Him. He's big enough to take it without striking you down.
>Make
sure your pain doesn't mess up other people in your daily life. You
must take care of your children and your spouse – or find someone
else to do it while you take a break.
Exercise
helps a lot of people, especially walking or jogging.
Get
adequate sleep – maybe an extra hour.
NEWS
FLASH
Read
a column by a young nun based in Philadelphia, Colleen Gibson. She is
writing about her experiences during Holy Week and along the way
makes these observations that seem to me to fit in here:
“Faith
is what we carry with us through the darkness; it burns brightly when
we cannot see.”
She
shares a special problem of hers this Holy Week: the desire to repeat
the comfortable experience God gave her in prior years. Catholic or
whatever, don't we all sometimes seek that and are disappointed when
it does not come? Especially in darkness we wonder whether the light
will ever shine for us again. Listen again to Sister Colleen:
“Nothing
was as I expected or desired. I wanted what I already had and I
realized, as the days rolled on, that was exactly what I wasn't going
to get. This [Easter] would be different.
Then
she quotes Raymond Carver “written as he teetered on the edge of
death:
And did you get whatyou wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved,
to feel myself
beloved in the earth.”
“God seemed to be inviting me beyond the constraints of my own knowing, beyond the bounds of the four walls of the church. All I needed to do was be free enough to receive the grace being given – to relinquish control and let God, in God's time, lead me through the mystery of these days.”
Can
you see how this transfers to those times we walk in darkness and
wonder how and why we can still believe? God can use those experience
– awful as they are and not changing their awfulness – when
tragedy and sorrow thrust us outside the box that has become out
comfort zone. He can orient us out of our disorientation, and bring
creation from our chaos.
Sister
Gibson even puts in an a specific reference to the resurrection,
which relates directly to the lesson and quotes that called forth
Shelli's questions.
“I
wonder how the disciples processed all that was going on. … that
first morning when they arrived at the tomb, what did they believe?
That the body had been taken or that Jesus had risen? What they faced
was the unknown, the unbelievable transformed by belief.
That
transformation is made by grace, one small movement at a time.”
AND
A FACEBOOK FRIEND, WHOSE FAMILY I USED TO PASTOR made a comment about
a loss in her community. I wrote he and sent her a copy of about half
of this in first draft stage. Here is her reply:
We were just acquaintances with his mom and dad....they'd invited us to their church several times...we knew they went to a large church, and wasn't really interested in being part of a large church at the time. Colin was their youth music minister...he was headed to college to become a music minister as his vocation. The summer after graduation, he went away with 5 of his closest friends. It was a "guy" senior trip. They went to the lake...there was a small island across the lake and all of the boys decided to make the swim...of course the island seemed closer than what it actually was to them. They all made it to the island fine, but they had to swim back to shore. After a long rest, they set out....only this time, the waves were coming against them and there was a great deal of wind. Two of the boys started to fall behind - they were getting sick while they were swimming because they were taking on water. Colin noticed. He told the guys he was swimming with that he was going to go back and check on the other two. He swam back to them, checked on them, and told them to swim ahead that he'd be following. They made it to an unexpected sandbar, turned around and Colin was gone. His picture has been my cover photo for a long time now. When we learned what happened, I was so broken for this mom and dad and I repeatedly asked God, "WHY???" in my prayers...I couldn't pray without asking...and it didn't seem that He was giving me the answer. I know God doesn't "cause" bad things to happen to those He loves, but He does allow them and the word promises that all things work together for the good of those who love Jesus. (Roman 8:28) (I know you know the verse, I just can't type it without the reference...seems wrong.) Dean and I decided to go to his mom and dad's church - just to offer support during that time. When we got there, we were shocked to see they had a HUGE group of friends well established in that church and they had a LOT of support. We were so amazed by the support the congregation showed them that we simply never left. It's been 2 years and 10 months since that time, and we're still there. Many months after we joined the church, God answered my prayer...my question, "why?" His answer to me was simply, "You...you were part of the reason, along with all of the hundreds maybe even thousands of people who'd seen how Colin lived, heard of his death, watched his parents remain faithful through it all, and came to know Christ because of it all." I know there's more...there's probably a lot more that God being God has done with that situation, that me being human, created to worship Him, doesn't understand and never will quite understand in this lifetime. The end all lesson that I've come to know is to place my faith in Roman 8:28 and let Him be God and me be me. After Colin's passing, I've seen God bless his family over and over and over again...with support, with love, with peace...they've been a real testimony of faith to our community. As the mom's now best friend, I've also see the daily struggle and heartbreak...I've watched as she's screamed at God in anger, and as she's been broken from the anger and literally been covered in His peace right before my eyes. |
Check
the references below, or Google “grief.”
REFERENCES:
Scott
Peck – The Road Less Traveled – First two pages, especially. An
excellent book with an emphasis on personal discipline. A great life
guidepost.
Granger
Westberg – Good Grief – a basic work, reprinted in 2010 on its
50th
anniversary. It's that good.
Elisabeth
Kubler-Ross – On Grief and Grieving – Her first book, On Death
and Dying became a classic.
You
may know others.
My
blog on Counseling for Laity is intended for those lay folk that
people talk to, but you may find help in the chapter on Grief. You
will need to scroll down til you find it. I have begun work on
changing it to an ebook, but until then:
FAITH
IS OF NO VALUE WHEN YOU FEEL SECURE.
Put
your hand in the hand of the Man from Galilee.
Faith
may appear as a flashlight, showing you where to take the next step.
FAITH
IN THE DARK
Life is difficult.
But as soon as we accept that difficulty, life is no longer as difficult.
We keep expecting to turn a corner and find peace, but it's more like we fled from a lion only to meet a bear. For those who are into sports, there's always another game and another season. For most wives there's always another meal to cook, clothes to wash, and beds to make. Life throws up one problem or difficulty after another. We all know “This wasn't supposed to happen to ME” feeling. Sorry friend, but yeah – something of the sort happens to everybody. And when you accept that only occasionally do you get to call time out and float in peace on a calm lake, life gets better.
I have just quoted, paraphrased, and amplified the first two pagers of The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck. It's an older book, but I strongly recommend it, especially the first two pages that are worth the price of the book. (You may even be able to read those pages free on Amazon by clicking on the book picture and arrow that says “Look Inside.”)
Shelli asked me to deal with ways to fight life, darkness, doubt and somehow hang onto your faith. You know there are volumes written on that right? But fools rush in and so do I. Here's a summary of where I think I'm headed:
1 – Recognize you will always find trouble in life. Everyone does.
2 – It's okay to get upset and want to rebel. Bible heroes did.
3 – Remember what He has carried you through thus far.
4 – Find a safe person who will keep their mouth shut and talk about it .
5 – Take a look at some of the resources I will suggest.
It's OK to argue with God.
Yes, I know you have been taught otherwise. But the great saints of the faith are recorded arguing with the Lord to the point of sarcasm.
Moses – In Exodus 3 God comes to the shepherd in a burning bush, sounding excited about liberating his people. Moses throws up excuse after excuse which the Lord keeps swatting down. Finally Moses sarcastically points out that he was a stutterer and that hasn't changed since God started speaking to him fifteen minutes ago. God did start to sound peeved, but He didn't throw Moses away. He continued to work with him and created a great leader and deliverer.
Elijah – After that great prophet called down fire from heaven and executed all the prophets of Baal, he announced the coming of rain. But Queen Jezebel owned those prophets and sent Elijah a telegram to get out of town by sundown or his head would roll. This formerly bold prophet broke and ran for his life, not stopping until he fell exhausted. When God caught up with him and asked what he was doing there, he POUTED! “Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going to go eat worms.” Well, not really, but it might as well have been. “I've been faithful to you and done all you called me to do, now I'm the only one left, and they're trying to kill me.” Note that God did not chide him or discard him. He gave him food and let him rest. Then He gave Elijah a fresh experience of Himself and a fresh vision of his calling.
Job – If you've read the book, you recognize that the “patience of Job” is not true. It's a New Testament translation in the KJV that would be better expressed by the word “endurance.” He did endure and persevere, but he wasn't patient about it. He screamed at God repeatedly. Why did this happen to me? Show me my sin if I'm being punished for something. Kill me, and get me out of this misery. Vindicate me to my accusers and show them I'm innocent. The reader knows this was a test, but Job and his accusers never did. Indeed, the book was probably written to show that bad things do happen to good people. One explanation – the test – disproves the whole system that bad fortune was always payment for sin. But Job yells at God, begs Him, and doesn't let go until the Lord reveals Himself.
Note: All three of these guys argued with God and did not like their situation at all. Therefore we can argue with that same God and pour out before Him our complaints at what life is bringing us. No fear He will reject us. Rather dumping that emotion can free our minds to hear His direction.
Turning to a more positive direction, let's take a look at Paul in 2 Corinthians 11:
23 Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. 24 Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26 I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. 27 I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. 28 Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches.
When
I read this, I wonder why I am griping. But often we do hurt, so what
do we do about it? remember Paul has also been through almost
unendurable circumstances. Let's look at some of how he handled it in
Philippians 4:
Note
Paul says “I have learned...” He learned. He learned from
experience over time, not given it along with his salvation and
mission. How did he learn? Look back at 2 Corinthians 11. I wonder
how many times Paul doubted and wondered whether he was in the right
place. Did you see the sleepless nights and sometimes lack of food?
From where he stood years later (probably under house arrest in Rome,
or maybe in Ephesus). He now looks back and sees that God brought him
through, so Paul can now say he is ready for anything in Christ.
We
like to quote “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens
me.” We quote it as a positive in tackling a task. It was written
more for your situation as you hurt. It is as if Paul said, “I have
learned the hard way that I can get through anything as long as I
hang onto Christ.”
Paul
fought his way through all this triumphantly, as have thousands of
others. And so can you. If thousands of others have fought through
trial and come out in triumph, so can you. It may take awhile, and
you may feel as if you got through by the skin of your teeth, but you
will get through.
Remember
what you have already come through.
What
have you already come through? You are close to an impossibility in
your conception and birth. There is no one else like you. You are a
miracle. You made it into this world at birth, and have come through
multiple sicknesses, allergies, falls, and perhaps surgeries. You got
through schools, got married, had kids. You have lost family and
friends along the way. And you're still going. How many times along
the way has God helped you and carried you through?
Remembering
all of that as Paul did can call forth your faith. God has been with
you all your life. Why would He stop now?
Share
you experiences with someone.
I
love the following that I have seen ascribed to several different
people.
O
the comfort, the inexpressible comfort
of
feeling safe with a person,
having
neither to weigh thoughts, nor measure words,
but
pouring them all out
wheat
and chaff together,
certain
that a faithful hand will sift them,
keep
what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness
blow
the rest away.
This
means choosing the right person, sometimes a trained professional
counselor. Many times it means talking to a close friend who can keep
their mouth shut. Someone you feel safe with – and are safe.
Talking it out can break up the viciously spiraling thoughts spinning
through your head. Instead of whirling around in one continuous
circle, over time your emotions begin to back down and your thoughts
open out to new ways of dealing with life. The feeling of acceptance
and companionship can lessen the pain and replace it with love.
Theological
questions
Shelli
wrote me the following that kicked all this off:
Not
long ago in our Sunday School class we discuss these following quotes
from our lesson: "found it easier to believe their doubts and
fears" and "held captive by the things we expect to happen
to the point that we close our minds to any contrary evidence".
I left wanting to hear more about these thoughts.
In
response to a question she spoke of a relative's divorce and
someone's friend who had cancer in her close family. Beneath this I
hear them asking where is God in all this. How can I continue to
trust Him with all this chaos breaking into my world?
Dorothy
Sayers wrote a remarkable book called Creed or Chaos. In it
she points out that if God is indeed guilty of allowing our troubles,
“he at least had the courage to take his own medicine.” She meant
He allowed His Son Jesus to die on the cross. Even before that, Jesus
lived a complete human life in a third world country occupied by
foreigners. Almost certainly his father Joseph died, and it's likely
he lost other siblings in the typical family until the day of modern
medicine of the last hundred years.
Many
turn to this verse, Romans 8:28 for assurance.
And
we know that in all things God works for the good of those who
love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Footnotes:
- Romans
8:28
Or
that all things work
together for good to those who love God, who;
or that in all things
God works together with those who love him to bring about what is
good—with those who
I
include the note, because the Greek is ambiguous, and the last choice
is my preferred choice. Paul is not saying that everything that
happens is good. Obviously that's not true. It's obviously not true
that everything always turns out for the best. For example, the world
would be much better had the Holocaust never happened, had Hitler and
Stalin and Saddam Hussein never risen to power. But Paul does say
that nothing so bad can happen that God cannot re-shape it by His
creative power for Good to emerge triumphant - good as defined by
God. The supreme example is the Cross. By Christian theology no sin
can be greater than the Crucifixion. Killing the Son of God.
Essentially, saying God, get out of my life. I don't want you messing
with me. I'd rather kill you than obey you - or even let you love and
forgive me.
But
God took that sin and transformed it through the resurrection into
the greatest act in history – the salvation of the entire world! If
God can do that, He can deal with my life and yours. He can take
those tragedies, and over time transform them into many good things.
NOW
SOME PRACTICAL ADVICE
Give
it time. Time helps in healing.
Socialize
your pain by talking with someone with whom you share mutual love and
trust.
Talk
to God about it. Read the above and recognize you don't have to play
nice with Him. He's big enough to take it without striking you down.
>Make
sure your pain doesn't mess up other people in your daily life. You
must take care of your children and your spouse – or find someone
else to do it while you take a break.
Exercise
helps a lot of people, especially walking or jogging.
Get
adequate sleep – maybe an extra hour.
NEWS
FLASH
Read
a column by a young nun based in Philadelphia, Colleen Gibson. She is
writing about her experiences during Holy Week and along the way
makes these observations that seem to me to fit in here:
“Faith
is what we carry with us through the darkness; it burns brightly when
we cannot see.”
She
shares a special problem of hers this Holy Week: the desire to repeat
the comfortable experience God gave her in prior years. Catholic or
whatever, don't we all sometimes seek that and are disappointed when
it does not come? Especially in darkness we wonder whether the light
will ever shine for us again. Listen again to Sister Colleen:
“Nothing
was as I expected or desired. I wanted what I already had and I
realized, as the days rolled on, that was exactly what I wasn't going
to get. This [Easter] would be different.
Then
she quotes Raymond Carver “written as he teetered on the edge of
death:
And did you get whatyou wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved,
to feel myself
beloved in the earth.”
“God seemed to be inviting me beyond the constraints of my own knowing, beyond the bounds of the four walls of the church. All I needed to do was be free enough to receive the grace being given – to relinquish control and let God, in God's time, lead me through the mystery of these days.”
Can
you see how this transfers to those times we walk in darkness and
wonder how and why we can still believe? God can use those experience
– awful as they are and not changing their awfulness – when
tragedy and sorrow thrust us outside the box that has become out
comfort zone. He can orient us out of our disorientation, and bring
creation from our chaos.
Sister
Gibson even puts in an a specific reference to the resurrection,
which relates directly to the lesson and quotes that called forth
Shelli's questions.
“I
wonder how the disciples processed all that was going on. … that
first morning when they arrived at the tomb, what did they believe?
That the body had been taken or that Jesus had risen? What they faced
was the unknown, the unbelievable transformed by belief.
That
transformation is made by grace, one small movement at a time.”
AND
A FACEBOOK FRIEND, WHOSE FAMILY I USED TO PASTOR made a comment about
a loss in her community. I wrote he and sent her a copy of about half
of this in first draft stage. Here is her reply:
We were just acquaintances with his mom and dad....they'd invited us to their church several times...we knew they went to a large church, and wasn't really interested in being part of a large church at the time. Colin was their youth music minister...he was headed to college to become a music minister as his vocation. The summer after graduation, he went away with 5 of his closest friends. It was a "guy" senior trip. They went to the lake...there was a small island across the lake and all of the boys decided to make the swim...of course the island seemed closer than what it actually was to them. They all made it to the island fine, but they had to swim back to shore. After a long rest, they set out....only this time, the waves were coming against them and there was a great deal of wind. Two of the boys started to fall behind - they were getting sick while they were swimming because they were taking on water. Colin noticed. He told the guys he was swimming with that he was going to go back and check on the other two. He swam back to them, checked on them, and told them to swim ahead that he'd be following. They made it to an unexpected sandbar, turned around and Colin was gone. His picture has been my cover photo for a long time now. When we learned what happened, I was so broken for this mom and dad and I repeatedly asked God, "WHY???" in my prayers...I couldn't pray without asking...and it didn't seem that He was giving me the answer. I know God doesn't "cause" bad things to happen to those He loves, but He does allow them and the word promises that all things work together for the good of those who love Jesus. (Roman 8:28) (I know you know the verse, I just can't type it without the reference...seems wrong.) Dean and I decided to go to his mom and dad's church - just to offer support during that time. When we got there, we were shocked to see they had a HUGE group of friends well established in that church and they had a LOT of support. We were so amazed by the support the congregation showed them that we simply never left. It's been 2 years and 10 months since that time, and we're still there. Many months after we joined the church, God answered my prayer...my question, "why?" His answer to me was simply, "You...you were part of the reason, along with all of the hundreds maybe even thousands of people who'd seen how Colin lived, heard of his death, watched his parents remain faithful through it all, and came to know Christ because of it all." I know there's more...there's probably a lot more that God being God has done with that situation, that me being human, created to worship Him, doesn't understand and never will quite understand in this lifetime. The end all lesson that I've come to know is to place my faith in Roman 8:28 and let Him be God and me be me. After Colin's passing, I've seen God bless his family over and over and over again...with support, with love, with peace...they've been a real testimony of faith to our community. As the mom's now best friend, I've also see the daily struggle and heartbreak...I've watched as she's screamed at God in anger, and as she's been broken from the anger and literally been covered in His peace right before my eyes. |
Check
the references below, or Google “grief.”
REFERENCES:
Scott
Peck – The Road Less Traveled – First two pages, especially. An
excellent book with an emphasis on personal discipline. A great life
guidepost.
Granger
Westberg – Good Grief – a basic work, reprinted in 2010 on its
50th
anniversary. It's that good.
Elisabeth
Kubler-Ross – On Grief and Grieving – Her first book, On Death
and Dying became a classic.
You
may know others.
My
blog on Counseling for Laity is intended for those lay folk that
people talk to, but you may find help in the chapter on Grief. You
will need to scroll down til you find it. I have begun work on
changing it to an ebook, but until then:
FAITH
IS OF NO VALUE WHEN YOU FEEL SECURE.
Put
your hand in the hand of the Man from Galilee.
Faith
may appear as a flashlight, showing you where to take the next step.
2 comments:
Good words as always. I love me some Perry Lassiter!
Good words as always. I love me some Perry Lassiter!
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